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August 2005
So, it was tough the first time. Now, having aged a few years, put on a few pounds and cultivated a few more grey hairs, it was time to start again with baby No. 2. So how did he enter this brave new world? Was it with a bang or a whimper?
August 2005
Spent most of the month worrying that baby's arrival would be on my birthday, forever condemning me to a lifetime of silly hats and musical chairs on what should be my big day. As it was, the big day came and went with little fuss. Jackie even managed to get me some steak for my tea - two for one from Iceland. Tasty.
August 26th
6:40am. Get a call from downstairs to bring the tea up as Jackie has to make a dash to the loo. Although this is a mite inconsiderate during my birthday week I don't mention it as she thinks her waters are breaking (either that or major incontinence). No panic, with Grace we whiled a couple of hours away playing with the TENS machine and checking the contents of our emergency bag.
7:00am. Decide"this is it". Start to pack a bag, have a shave and breakfast. Not sure where Jackie is.
7:02am. Find Jackie slumped over bed with a contraction. Spend a couple of minutes fiddling with the TENS machine. Wish I'd read the instructions. Stick the stickies on Jackie's back in a sort of an 'M' shape and get the current moving. Interestingly this doesn't seem to completely dull the pain.
7:06am. Decide to get Grace ready for nursery. All calm - we'll drop her off on the way to the hospital.
7:14am. All panic. Jackie's contractions are really kicking in now and she thinks a leisurely trip to the nursery just isn't on the cards. Call Trisha to come and get Grace, as I run around the house tidying up.
7:30am. Grace gone. Jackie and I grapple with the TENS machine as her contractions are now 3mins apart. I stary to worry she might make a mess of the car, so start shouting "time to go" in a masterful sort of way.
7:40am. Begin to worry this might be a home birth. Shout "time to go" a little more insistently until I realise Jackie can't carry her bag down the stairs.
7:45am. In the car and on the way to hospital. Try to put the stereo on for some soothing music but Jackie politely tells me to turn it off. Start to hum to try and distract her from the pain. Get told to shut up.
8:02am. In the labour ward. Midwife says "this is it". Looks at TENS machine pads and says "Are you mad?" before rearranging them so that they serve some purpose. I settle myself down to some serious back rubbing until Jackie tells me I'm crushing her. Ease off a bit and concentrate on pressing the buttons on the TENS machine in a random sort of way.
8:30am. Jackie enters the final lap. Still standing but needing to be convinced that the baby might come a little quicker if she uncrossed her legs. Doh! Midwife says "breathe deeply" so I do, seems to calm me completely. Jackie being sick into a cardboard hat. Lovely.
8:47am. Messy baby appears. Midewife instructs me to hold said messy baby whilst she frees him from the cord. It's like holding a wet fish, and a bit smelly. Worry about my t-shirt and trainers. Where are all the support staff? Last time we had student nurses massaging calves, this time I seem to be doubling up as a doctor.
8:50am. Baby boy swaddled and in my arms. All a bit quick, and now unsure what to do. Look longingly at my crossword book - would it be rude to start a quick one?
9:00am. Jackie has some remedial work to stitch whatever came apart. Unfortunately some of the placenta seems to 
have gone missing and despite some suspicious looks in my direction they conclude that it's probably inside Jackie which condemns her to a 24hr stay in hospital. Crosswords are beginning to look very appealing now.
9:45am. Bored. Want to go home now. Trust Jackie to lose something! Luke seems pretty contented apart from the fact his nose is completely squashed onto one side of his face. Take some pictures to embarass him at his wedding.
12:00am. Lunch arrives for Jackie - breaded cod and potatos sans heat. Seems a bit strange to be eating cod and chips when there is a bloody bed three feet away and a goose-fat covered baby in your arms, but I do my best. Jackie doesn't seem to be able to stomach it.
1:05pm. Someone comes in to remove the bloody sheets. Nice.
