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EXCLUSIVE! As Chris welcomed us to the smallholding that was Nunsmere, we felt at both priveleged and slightly broke. Despite the grumbles, the sun shone, the champagne was chilled and the groom's sweaty palms were nothing compared to other guests' armpits. Fortunately, an undercover Bore reporter could snap some of the activity before the larger magazines (Knitting Weekly, Toads and Frogs Monthly) could get their stories onto the printing press.
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The Devil in Disguise? As the harpist thrashed out a Nirvana tune, the right honourable Mr Roger Strar treated the guests to an Elvis-style voice over describing the joys awaiting the happy couple as they embarked on their life together. Almost bringing Susie to tears by crushing her hand in a vice-like grip, there was no way the New Mr Hardy-Newall was going to let his wife have an affair with the slightly sweaty looking geezer near the back from Jersey.
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| LOST
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| Lost, one small boy, quite smartly dressed if a little stout. Has some grey hair, which spreading rapidly down his body.. | Found, one attractive bride amenable to sweaty men. Downsides include a footwear fetish to scare Imelda Marcos, a problem with the amount of Chardonnay in the world (not enough) and a Geordie accent. | Where do you find lucky stars to thank? This is the day to be smug - before you find yourself on your hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor, decorating, cleaning..... |
